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terrible. woke up today nice & early, only to find myself making ten million, stupid phone calls. garrh.
and then the day just went terribly wrong.
pffpth.
my sister never came back in the end.

i'm still a little peeved by today's events.
but hell.
i decided i'll just shuttle in between home and lib, in seclusion, for the oh so lovely exams.
and not dwell on anything else.
but i dont know if i'm capable of that. i keep dwelling on things. dwell dwell dwell. and then i'll have a big headache and feel sorry for myself.
i wish everything was like in secondary school. there i was truly happy. i cant say the same for now. i guess this year i had canoeing to keep me busy and to release endorphins that i needed so badly.
so now's just bad. because i doubt studying releases those happy nerves.

and now i have a discontinued conversation. lovely.

i had the most bewildering dream last night.

berkeley's application is almost done. except i dont really know how to do the money order stuff. and i need to weigh my envelope. and get the air mail stickers.

of roses. &hello.

yesterday the two lovelies came to over. and i got nice birthday presents from them. mrs fields cookie, lingerie set, ankle socks, a rose, and earrings! and they all form the letters of my name. like Cookie, Lingerie, Ankle socks, Rose, and Accessory! heh.
but i did somthing really stupid today. i wanted to dry the rose, cuz i think dried flowers are pretty. so i hung it up at my window, quite securely, or so i thought. and then when i came back from tuition, the rose is on the parapet. unreachable to anybody. am very sad indeed.

so yesterday was good, because my friends came. but after that it was awful.
i dont like dead air.
and i hate it when people are rude.
didnt catch much sleep last night. because i was lying on my bed, thinking about things.
it's always like that. one minute u're basking in the warm sunshine, and then the next, u're thrown into the deep end. and nobody's there to catch you.


and i dont like it like that.

us applications!

ah! i just found out that berkeley's application is due nov 30!
pffpt.
gotta work on my essays now! and i was still slowly starting on upenn's application.

hohum

i am so bored. i'm no longer high, and excited like last day. and it's back to studying.
anyway, i just saw my primary school classmate's face on somebody's blog. and i am quite shocked. havent really seen much of my primary school friends. that's way back 6 years ago! gosh. haha. i feel like reminiscing but nvm. I cant believe lixian remembered my birthday yesterday. she was my best friend in pri sch but we havent talked much since. dont really get much opportunities to meet them because i think we've all taken pretty much different paths in life. hmm.

my mom's in taipei now! and she msged me to tell me she bought a bag for me so yay! i need another bag, i have plenty i know, but they are all in impractical sizes so i end up carrying only one. Like my shell bag thing form laos, it's pretty but the only thing i can stuff in is a hp and wallet. and i bring so much more than tt when i go out. there's nobody to cook for dinner. and i just had creamy mushroom linguine for lunch, and all the cream is leaving me bloated. think i'll just make instant noodles for myself. sad, i know.

i am extremely bored. and i cannot bring myself to do us essays, as usual. so the only thing i've done is the upenn one. which i wil send out soon, once i figure out which penn prof i wanna study with. (i'm supposed to state that!)

i like madonna's new single hung up! haha. so eighties. and the video is eighties looking too. er, except madonna's weird dance that shows off her very developed muscular things and arms. must be all the ashtanga. it's looks ugly. i cant fathom anybody wanting a body like that.

oh i think perfume coffrets are so pretty! somebody please buy me one, beause i cant afford to buy myself one. I was walking around metro today (yes, the auntie friendly place) and was looking at pretty perfume coffrets from estee lauder, lancome etc etc.

yikes. i'm stil bored.

18!..18!! 18!!!!!!

yay!! eighteen i am!!
all the birthday wishes left me on a high. happy, happy, happy. many thanks to all who remembered.
and today was really nice!
we ate at this place called changing appetites at marina bay. that had free flow of icecream for just an additional ninety cents. that thought left me very excited indeed but after my ramen, and his lamb shank, we were much to full to enjoy alot of ice crea. just one and a half scoops.
then it was off to watch transporter. some fight scenes were quite funny, although i didnt know if they were meant to be funny. like when he punched his fists into two watermelons, or izzit pomelos, and swung around like a mad man, hitting everybody in his way.
unfortunately my mom took my cam so i dont have any pictures for today. :(
and as for my birthday gifts--it was a gorgeous bangle and those peacock feathers earrings that i've been coveting after! yayness.

:)

goldman sachs?

oh i just got the prospectus from chicago! i like looking at prospectuses. i'm not applying there cuz it can get a little, cold but there's a picture of their crewing team, which looks really cool. crewing down chicago river! which flows from lake michigan! that sounds mighty cool if u ask me.

except when i think of us universities, i get abit pissed off. because i've yet to get over the fact that i have to pay money just to send my stupid sat scores to the schools, when i could have done it for free, if i could just read instructions and send my scores when i was registering. (!!!!!!!)thank goodness i'm restricting my schools to just two. i feel really bad making my dad pay for all the application fees and everything. and now, this stupid thing. seventy us dollars per application! i could do a hell lot with that. but i guess it's worth it if u were to actually get in to a good college. i guess i could make it up to my dad by studying really hard and getting good grades. hurh.

my life now, is extremely mundane. what, with waking up at nine. and then studying--then lunch, after which i'll be somewhat sleepy again. then i'll take a nap. then it's up studying again. and the whole cycle repeats.

but i shall break my cycle tmr since it's my birthday. :)

oh yes. i wanna work at goldman sachs. then i can sashay down wall street, investment banker-style. hahahaha.
oh well, that didnt sound very sensible.

naima!

naima won america's top model! i think i shld go be a model scout. because i always predict the winner correctly! every season without fail. heh. kahleen was good too. tyra banks looks funny in his picture.

damnit . turns out i have to pay nine us dollars for each us college that i send my scores to. when it could have been free if i had done so when i registered for my tests. urgh. that's a lot of money. plus the application fees. it's quite irritating that i have to spend so much money when i'm only applying to only 2 colleges. damn it la.

so it was josh&joey's yesterday. my nice little eatery down at woodgrove where they serve a mean meal of steak. it's not like those snazzy places in town, but i daresay the food there is better. so this year, it was there for my birthday!
and today my dad bought ice cream cake from swenson's! there's another chocolate cake form ikea lying in the freezer. very good, lots of nice food for my birthday.

and my phone is spoilt. and it costs about a hundred to repair which is ridiculous, especially since the plan expires in a few weeks or so. so i'm leaving it like that. using my mom's phone. dont know if i should get the nokia 3230 or 6170, or the samsung one. the one with the clock face in front. or the motorola V3.

i've got a severe breakout on my face. i'm getting too damn stressed for my own good.

shake it off.

i've been really irritable lately. i dont know, probably the exams.
i get so exasperated over fm, i can finish the paper half in tears because i'll be grappling with half the paper. and it's not difficult rj papers, its decent tys papers.
and i know this sounds terribly trivial, and there are probably more important things to worry about in life, but right now, i'm quite bothered by this.

i'm miserable.

i want to take a roadtrip. like to malaysia or smt, after As.
or take a budget airline to a nearby destination.
that'll be really really fun.
oh, i think the vacation to US is quite confirmed. come february, i'll be holidaying in the glamorous city of angels! but i think it might clash with the date of the results or smt. thank goodness this trip is not dependent on my Alevel results, but still, i'm afraid my dad will decide to go holiday in china instead. not like i have anything against china, but hey, i'd much rather go to LA or smt. rather than beijing.

garh. days are sad and lonely.

rahh!
nothing's working! my phone. chooses to function at times. most of the time it doesnt. cant call, cant msg. so i'm as good as having no phone. which is very annoying.
and my inbox! i cant delete stuff from my trash can. still cant. i have to transfer everything to my inbox, and then delete it. which is extremely daft and retarded and annoying.

urgh.

damnit.
damnit damnit damnit damnit damnit, it's always the same old, same old.

i was glad i left early today, not like there was anything left for me to stay for. avoided the rain and cabbed. The cab driver was really nice, and even charged me a lil lesser for the fare. but aye, security guard at the gate was surly.

my little muscle hurts. quite badly. nothing's good on a bad day huh.

The Sonnet Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf) Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed? Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. Your exact opposite: Genghis Khunt Random Brutal Sex Master Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so. You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls. ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth CONSIDER: The Loverboy Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: fatfrenchgirl

dont cha.

linked some pictures. i think they're under happy. i hope i linked the pictures correctly.
studied today. did mechanics. now i'm abit dizzy from fm. fm mechanics, is quite gross.
been thinking about university stuff lately. i've been trying not to get too excited over studying overseas and everything, because after all, I still need a damn scholarship. and even i get into venerable ivy leagues or brilliant instituitions, i wouldnt be able to leave this place if i dont get a scholarship. so i dont want to end up disappointed and feeling sorry for myself if i dont get one.
about this, everybody's going to be everywhere next year.
and there are people i dont want to go, people i dont want to leave.
:(

i'll just hope and pray hard i'll ace the As and impress scholarship boards. and then if all's fine and well, i'll still see the people i want to see. :)

oh, my mom's new haircut and dye job is quite nice! and i went grocery shopping with my parents. was looking for pecorino cheese but was harassed by the overzealous cold storage auntie who insisted i try samples of cheese and drink samples of yakult.
i like grocery shopping! i like looking at fruits, well, and food. haha.

hmm. my life's so mundane now i find delight in things like grocery shopping, and i'm studying to keep myself preoccupied. sad, sad.
missing alot of people...

farewell

farewell assembly today, was alright. usual stuff, usual speeches. oh, but darren lai sang some song with his guitar.
and the prom stuff nominees are out. check out ms talkative! our dear tammylim. i think she'll win laa.
so anyway, went out with the girls plus peiyi and calvin for lunch at pastamania. quite interesting, because we havent really gone out before.
and then i was gazing longingly at this pretty top. then the salesgirl starting showing me all the colours and everything.
so i tried it. then everybody said it was pretty. so i bought it!
and i like it.
yay.

oh yes. i dont think i'm applying to penn's accelerated programme anymore. because quite frankly i cant be bothered to write that essay.
and plus, i dont know if i can handle such a heavy programme--that is if i even get in.

bleagh.

mockmath

mock fm paper 1 today.
been shuttling to and fro school for revision lectures these couple of days.
and i'm sick.
blaps. i'm really bored.
finally submitted my upenn teacher recommendations! but i cant bear to look at the essay. because i am completely clueless.
yesterday lunch was spent with yonghui glenda and tammy whom i havent seen in ages. after which, at the bus stop, an old man kept talking to me. and i really didnt wanna talk to him.
sister's in taiwan. i hope she bought stuff for me.
and i wanna visit vietnam.

urgh. very bored.

currency valuation??!

ah!!
i've been trying to write an essay for the huntsman program for the past half an hour and i only came up with 5 lines. brilliant. and i dont even know how to go about writing a wonderful essay about how international issues and businesses intersect.
arghhhhhhhh.
this is extremely frustrating, cuz i'm completely clueless about this. i'm a non-econs student trying to pretend to be smart about economics in this essay!
very difficult.
its' my own fault for wanting to apply to huntsman, even though only very smart people get into it. Like upenn is not hard enough to get in, i have to apply to some accelerated programme.

damnit. well at least i've got until jan1.
:S

and i'll smile and pretend everything's okay.

lonely day

I could tell from the minute I woke up
It's gonna be a lonely lonelylonely lonely day.
Rise and shine rub the sleep out of my eyes
And try to tell myself
I can't go back to bed
It's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day.
Even though the sun is shining down on me and I should feel about as happy as can be
I just got here and I already want to leave
It's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day
It's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day
It's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day.
Everybody knows that somethin's wrong
But nobody knows what's going on
We all sing the same old song
When you want it all to go away
It's shaping up to be a lonely day

ooh, i nearly forgot! sara and haowen's lovely birthday present for me! very sweet.
class girls with mrs toh
tammylim.
glenda and me.

us applications are a nightmare. brought my stuff today wanted to rid myself of at least the teacher recommendation forms only to realize that I forgot to bring all my original certs. so chung couldnt sign the zapped ones.
and i'm far from being started on the huntsman essay.

am exhausted. must be the flu.
should go do my tuition homework soon. :S

havent been online lately. busy with my new zen. still in the process of uploading all my mp3s. very good. the zen's working so fine.
last day of school on friday. took some pictures. shall upload them lately. i dont get to use the comp much cuz of my sister hogging it lately.
yesterday was alright. watched 4 brothers, and ate. one year!
been busy with sats too, which i took yesterday. math was alright. physics was bad.
now i'm sick. :(
bleargh.
tuition now.

equilibria?

blogger's still wrong. everything's still all over the place.
everything's still all over the place.
damnit. just when i'm getting a fine mp3 player. limewire becomes screwy on me.
stayed at home today. I came home really exhausted yesterday--physically and mentally.
finished my upenn essays. except the big one for application to the huntsman programme. I need to research on the yuan valuation. zzz. i dont even know anything about it except that US is pissed off that the china currency is very low. or smt. and i jammed up my printer so i cant do anything more now.
i really wanna get into Penn! just like how synyi wants to study in Yale, carolyn, stanford, jaya, columbia. It'll be really cool if all of us get into these schools.
but i doubt i'll get in. because i'm neither brilliant nor special.

why. will things be the same, again?

back to square one! well, maybe.

well. things havent gone exactly well. for me.
sometimes being rational doesnt really work.
nor does talking.
nor does, not talking.
well when nothing works, then i guess things are really bad huh.
little replies.
why, i already feel like it's the end even though nothing's been said.and i'm fearful of the conclusion.
my sec3 chinese form tutor once said that girls, they enter junior college, all cherubic and lovely. then they leave, a little wizened, perhaps a little old. Well, that is those who fall into this messy emotional state of affairs. She said you can tell these people apart from those who havent been through these obstacles--so called.
if anything happens. i'm going to walk away with dignity.

i'll take it back. painfully, slowly. but surely.

sometimes even a gleaming new mp3 player wont make me happy.
gosh,
why do i even bother?

single.

dang.
this doesnt feel good at all,
i feel like it's back to square one
please. hurry do smt.
or i think, there'll be too many chips left to mend.

as if i couldnt feel anyworse, i have a huge gigantic ulcer in at the back of my mouth i cant smile eat properly without feeling this searing pain. and i'm ill. quite ill. has to be sentosa. i remembered shivering when i came out of the water and the winds were really strong.
there's so much negative energy in me, i feel like, i need to expel everything out. Talking to wrong made me better, although i think i just did what exactly she told me not to. but ohwell.
on a brighter note, my dad's buying me the zen! the 4G one. silver i think. cuz black's out of stock and they're not going to manufacture anymore. yayness.

went window shopping tgt. lunch at coffeeclub. tried jimmy choos and marc jacobs flats. longchamp bags. although i must add i cant possibly afford any of those. I think i just made myself even more sick cuz now, i have feel giddy and faint. and there's still sats to study for.

:(