break my heart sloww

civics is a chore.
argh.
particularly when there's absolutely no one else from your class in the same module.
even our good ol' ken jom wasnt there.

ah.
are fake smiles,superflous conversations, contrived laughter better than outright bitchiness?
i dont know.
for now i'll go with the fake smiles. i'm pretty adept at that.

meanwhile, am somewhat peeved by today's events.
the whole whacking thing.
and then the oh-i'm-sorry-i-have-remedial-therefore-i-cant-go-out issue.
trivial banalities.
but plans disrupted.
and disappointment.
the most dreaded of emotions, i believe.
not lashful anger. nor sadness.
but rather, disappointment.
awful i tell you.
perhaps one of the reasons why i dont put in my all in most of the things i do
is the fear of disappointment.
it's a bad attitude yes.
but this fear overrides everything else.

owell. am off.
intensive training tmrw.
not nice.